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A personal essay on being alone in the wilderness.
Sitting on top of a mountain or walking through an empty valley is an entirely different experience when I am alone. It is at the same time more beautiful and more melancholy than it could ever be with another. I have been trying to understand why this is so.
Spend a few days alone in the wilderness and you begin to realize how entirely indifferent it is to us. Take this trail or that one - it doesn't matter. Stay warm or get cold. Live or die. The sun comes up and the sun goes down. Whether it shines on me walking down the trail or in a crumpled heap at the bottom of a cliff doesn't change much. This doesn't take away from the beauty of the wilderness, though. It is a part of its beauty.
There is food in the mountains. I ate my fill of currants at 13,000 feet in the Sierra Nevada. Trout scattered as I walked by small lakes. The sun warmed me, the moon lit my way, and I took naps on soft grass. One mis-step here or there, however, and I could fall a thousand feet. Lightning could strike me down, or rain could soak me and allow the night to freeze me. I pay attention when I am alone in the wilderness.
Wilderness is not benevolent, nor is it malicious. It just is what it is. When I'm by myself in it, I become very aware of my surroundings, of the clouds forming in the sky, of any little pain in a foot or shoulder. It is an awareness without worry.
This awareness is there when I am awestruck by the brilliance of a turquoise lake nestled in a hanging valley beneath fields of summer snow. It is a scene outside my control or comprehension. Things happen here on a time scale unknown to my senses or experience. Thought itself stops, and I am in a peaceful state of mind that doesn't seem possible in a group.
I have to be alone in the wilderness to experience its beauty in this way. Yes, there is a feeling of loneliness that comes with it. I want to share the experience with others... but I cannot. The most I really can do is share the view.
Mostly I don't go backpacking alone in the wilderness because I want to. It just works out that way. It's much easier to plan a trip alone than to try to get two or more friends to schedule time off work on the same dates. They often can't take enough time in any case.
There is the issue of style differences too. I like to go light and cheap. If I were to take a plane to our backpacking destination, as some of my friends would do, it would be too expensive. I can have three trips for the cost of one of theirs, and as much as I'd sometimes love the company, I'm not willing to give
Finally, there is the freedom that you have when you are alone. The best of friends will not need breaks at the same time, get hungry at the same time, want to do the exact same things or hike the same distance. Alone in the wilderness, there is a natural rhythm that can never be there when several people's needs have to be balanced.
Note: If you plan to spend any time alone in the wilderness, why not visit our Wilderness Survival Guide, just to learn a few things for safety.
The Ultralight Backpacking Site | Alone In The Wilderness - Why Go Solo?